Across generations, New Hampshire women face similar challenges and rewards in motherhood

Abigail Kilrain and her husband run a farm together, and when their second daughter arrived in early September, 2016, right in the thick of harvest season, they had little time to rest. 

Within weeks, Kilrain was back in the fields just down the street from her house in Hopkinton, baby strapped to her back, bagging green beans.

“There is no maternity leave for a farmer, even if you are a new mom”, Kilrain, 45, said. “That probably wasn’t the best choice for the baby and me. But I’ve relied on my family, especially when the kids were younger; they would help us out with childcare, so I could go back and forth between farming and then being with the kids.”

Kilrain, now the mother of two daughters aged 12 and 9, was fortunate to have family nearby to lean on. But that kind of support system is far from universal in New Hampshire, and for families without it, the cost of childcare can be staggering.

The average cost for an infant and a four-year-old in center-based care in New Hampshire was nearly $30,000 per year during the 2022–2024 period, according to a report by the New Hampshire Fiscal Policy Institute.

In 2024, the state set up a scholarship fund to help offset those costs, and it has since expanded to provide broader support.

Generational problem

Kilrain’s mother, Dawn Dixon, said the struggle was just as real when she was raising three children in New Hampshire in the 1970s, with expensive childcare and no maternity leave in sight. 

For Dixon, now 72, the math ultimately decided for her.

“I ended up having to stop working to be home with my kids, because for three children, the childcare was very expensive, but I value those years very much,” she said. “I feel like it was a happy accident. It meant so much to be home with them, and we just were very thrifty.”

That tension between career and family remains largely unchanged for mothers across the state. 

Data collected in 2023 by the New Hampshire Department of Health and Human Services shows that 52.2% took paid leave after childbirth, while 54.5% took unpaid leave, with some drawing on a combination of both.

A small but measurable share, 7.1%, took no leave at all.

‘Different world’

While the core values of parenting have stayed the same across generations, Kilrain said technology and social media have quietly reshaped how those values get put into practice.

“It was a different world back then,” Kilrain said. “I think that our values are the same, but the way we have to go about teaching them is very different.”

Through every milestone and stumble of motherhood, Kilrain said her mother is still the first person she turns to for advice.

On Mother’s Day this year, Kilrain said she is hoping for a quiet day at home, one free of dishes, laundry and breaking up sibling squabbles, before heading out for pizza with her mother and mother-in-law.

The financial burden of childcare access has not gone unnoticed at the State House this year.

The New Hampshire Legislature has been considering several bills aimed at easing the burden on families, including making retired grandparents who have custody of young children eligible for state assistance programs and establishing a tax credit program to incentivize businesses to create or expand childcare options.

But even with the exhaustion and expense, both women said the rewards of motherhood have always outweighed the costs.

“Motherhood can rip you apart pretty quickly,” said Kilrain. “It’s heartbreaking and it’s joyful. It takes more out of you than you ever think it will, but it also fulfills you in a lot of different ways.”

Kilrain said it is “magic” to be part of her daughters’ childhoods, watching them grow and become their own people.

Dixon, too, is looking forward to spending time with their family this Mother’s Day.

For new mothers navigating the road ahead, her advice is simple: “Enjoy every minute, even the tough times. When you look back, they are really sweet. You have to be grateful for all of it.”